Sec. Ed. in Social Science majors have to have a minor in either a math or science at MTU because it increases hire-a-bility. So, naturally I chose Technology and Design which means pretty much the first two years of Mech. Eng. So, I'm back at this point where I'm struggling to understand the language of love, Calculus. To some, it seems natural, to me it's very foreign. I don't know why but its just freaking hard! Since my path is teaching, I really want to be passionate and knowledgeable on the topics that I would teach. I very much enjoy history, geography and government is... ok. But, at the moment I am not to fond of math. Now, my minor doesn't mean that I would be teaching a math class (scaaaarrryy) rather something like a computer drawing class or intro engineering/problem solving stuff. Still, math is the base of all engineering problems. So, to me it's scary to be pursuing something which I am not too passionate about and that I think I would be a crappy teacher at. I really want to make sure that I can involve my students and engage them and I really want them to understand the material that I would cover. I just don't feel that way about math.
So, how have I been handling these feelings? Well, like any natural Devin Thurston would, worry about it 24/7. Last semester was one of change. I moved off campus, learned (learning still) how to make food for myself, took on leadership roles within Campus Crusade (leading our Service team and also disciple-ing someone) and took all classes that only pertained to Social Sciences which means a lot of reading and writing. And to say the least, I was overwhelmed. And for most of the semester, I felt lost, defeated, confused and bewildered. I did not always turn to God for deliverance and guidance and if I did, most of my prayers were a bit selfish. This made it rough on my grades, relationships with others and most importantly my relationship with my Father.
Winter break came and I was desiring time to relax and get away from most of my troubles and hoping that I could spend more time reading the Word and praying for direction. Even though it was great to be around family and all my friends down in VA, my focus on God was somewhat lost and ignored. (Side note story: Even more proof that I worry too much and don't like events happening the way I want to is the story of the broken Jeep. Long story short, I was planning on leaving VA the last Wednesday of break. But, I had this REALLY bad vibration and rattle under the frame all the way down from MI to VA. I took it into the shop that Monday before hand thinking it would be out in time to leave Wednesday and definitely Thursday. Nope, apparently it takes a long time for parts to get sent to major dealerships. So, it wasn't out of the shop until Friday afternoon (2 days before school starts and I'm still 24 hr.s away from school) Not exactly the most desirable timeframe but I made it up fine.) So, pretty much I lack faith.
As Christians, we know that God has this ultimate plan for our lives. Sometimes we understand what's going on and other times not so much. But why should we worry? Being born again, our sin has been dealt with and we are now justified and named Sons of God, no longer Sons of Wrath. It finally clicked with me the other day as to why my semester was the way it was. I thought back to counseling at Camp Barakel last summer and remembered some prayers that I prayed often. "God, I need more faith in you. God, I need to rely on you." Prayers answered. Last semester was a big lesson on faith and it still is. My goal this semester is to memorize all of Philippians (it's very hard, just like Calculus but actually serves more a meaning in my life) and the verse I'm approaching is Philippians 1:5-6 which says, "... because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident in this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ." God has our best interests in mind even if they may seem troubling and trying.It's kind of amazing how God can turn crappiness into a "huh, so that's what you were doing God....". Thats pretty much the story of mankind, God turning those who are sinful and destined for punishment to righteous and upright through the redeeming sacrifice of his Son, Jesus.
So, I have learned not only to have faith in God in every aspect in my life, trusting that he will guide me but also how to pray, praise him in the good and not so good and the importance of using my time for his glory. What can you take away? Maybe you are going through some painful struggles. I urge you to have an eternal outlook on what might God be trying to show you when you think he is not present. And when we pray, we should pray for a change within, not a temporary fix because most of the time the fix begins with us.
"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-to the glory and praise of God."
Philippians 1: 9-11
